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John & Jane Doe
Hi Lola,
My boyfriend and I have been talking about the lifestyle for a while. We decided to create a profile online. We both wanted to be cautious and private. The problem is I used a fake name and lied to the hosts of our first outing. All this in a effort to be private. Of course, they found out. It wasn't our intention to be disrespectful. Being you're in the lifestyle, can you give some advice on how to approach this? Can you also give some pointers on how to get started in the lifestyle without looking like an ass.
Looking forward to your advice.
Messed Up In Jersey
Dear Messed Up In Jersey:
Thank you so much for your email. Believe it or not this is VERY common...so take comfort in knowing you are NOT alone here! :) Many times when one takes the journey from the vanilla world it can indeed be intimidating . We can ALL be intimidated and ultra concerned about privacy and discretion. It's human. Yet, realistically....if say, your neighbor or another parent recognizes you at an event....they had to been in attendance as well. So to 'out' you would be to 'out' themselves at the same time. Using another name or nickname is acutually rather common. Many folks do it to help discypher if a message or phone call is 'vanilla' or 'lifestyle' skewed. To each his own.
Honestly it really isn't that big of a deal. It's not as if you stated you were a nuero surgeon and really a school crossing guard prior to 'scrubbing in'. lol Not that there is anything wrong with either...it's just that they are total different skill sets and vastly different. I would personally suggest that if you are feeling really uncomfortable and desire to reach out to the promoter you mentioned- simple tell them that you are using 'nicknames' but your 'real' name are "so and so"- that's it, simple. Done and over with. If on the flip side you truly could give a rats ass, chill out and just have fun knowing that you have tucked in your back pocket the ability to explain away your faux pas. Again luv- it's not that big of a deal. :)
Since it sounds like you and your partner want to venture further with in the LifeStyle- consider giving your real names to future friends so you don't encounter the same discomfort you've just experienced. As the probability of making lifetime friends in the LifeStyle is one of the great perks of this community. When you make good friends, the liklihood of them crossing over into your vanilla life is high. You may have them over for a family function and explain pse udonymns at that point would be uncomfy. Apparently you are newbies so chances are your contact has been limited thus far, so no worries. You're fine. Just start a new and enjoy the journey! :)
Be Well, Be You...
Kisses,
Lola
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